It's so easy for me to get swept up in a sea of dark thoughts on bad days so I pushed myself through it today, ignored facial paresthesia, had a shower and went for a walk. I felt dizzy many times while walking but made sure I was safe and carried on. A lot of days this isn't too much of a problem but I was clearly tired. I realised I'm not quite ready for work because that short walk felt like running a marathon and I've been struggling with headaches and tiredness today. It was great to be out though and I stayed away from busy roads- my kryptonite, saps my energy! On a good day I can do a lot but it's still so unpredictable and more than a bit frustrating!
I feel rushed by society to push myself back into some kind of work. I'm desperate to do it for my own dwindling self esteem too but I don't know what to do. I'm going to investigate tomorrow and see what help I can get. I don't mind what kind of work it is so long as I can manage it.
I walked to the spa at The Berystede Hotel today to relax which helped but I was almost stuck there as I was so exhausted! I'm sure I will have a lot more energy tomorrow to investigate work options as I do feel ready to ease into it. I was thinking of helping others with neurological disorders and diseases but I have decided that I would prefer a distraction. I have had days where I feel more like the old Andrew so that is very encouraging.